Psychosis in Excelsis
by Dark Day For Anime
Summary: Sequel to 'A Darker Shade of Pale' - Makoto suffers as she continues her struggle.


The characters portrayed within are the creation of Takeuchi Naoko,  
and are used without her permission.  
  
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Psychosis in Excelsis  
by DDFA  
  
This is a sequel, of sorts, to my earlier one-off story, "A Darker  
Shade of Pale", in which Makoto's depressive swings turn into   
something even nastier...  
  
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CAUTION S4  
Supply without prescription illegal  
Keep out of reach of children  
ANAFRANIL 25  
Clomipramine Hydrochloride  
Tablets 25mg  
50 coated tablets  
  
It was not enough....  
  
CAUTION S4  
Supply without prescription illegal  
Keep out of reach of children  
ANAFRANIL 25  
Clomipramine Hydrochloride  
Tablets 25mg  
50 coated tablets  
  
Too weak, too few, too late....  
  
  
  
Makoto paced the darkness of her apartment, dressed only in a   
soiled bathrobe, tired and agitated.   
  
It was almost 5am, and she had been doing this since Usagi had   
left her the previous night. Usagi had been deeply worried about   
her troubled friend, and with good reason....   
  
Despite her taking of the medication that had been prescribed,   
Makoto's cycle of depression had returned with a vengeance, and   
worse....  
  
  
Makoto couldn't see it, though.... She was blind to what   
ailed her. Most of the time.  
  
All she could plainly see was the interfering of others into   
her life.... She wanted, desperately to be left alone. She wanted,   
desperately, to be able to sleep. But all she could hear, night in,  
night out, were her parents' final cries of terror.... Death   
screams, echoing through her skull....  
  
They were screaming now.... She could hear them as clear as  
day as she crossed the loungeroom floor, her hands clasped firmly  
over her ears.... She ran to the window and started to work the   
catch with a desperate edge. She pushed the frame aside as the   
catch clicked loose and shouted, at the top of her lungs, to the  
outside world....  
  
"SHUUUUUUUUUUTUUUUUUUUUUUP!"  
  
And she promptly closed them again as dogs from all over the  
silent, dark district started to bark. Then she sank to the floor,  
exhausted and sweating profusely. The screams had gone, but she   
knew they would return.  
  
"You really shouldn't shout like that, you know. You'll wake  
up the neighbours." Minako said from across the room. Makoto   
turned to her.  
  
"Damn them. They don't know what it is like."  
  
"But it's so rude.... You could try the old method of   
shutting up the voices in your head." Said Ami from the tv screen.  
  
"I.... I hate doing that. It hurts too much."  
  
"But it worked, didn't it?" Said Rei, hanging from the   
loungeroom light.  
  
"People have noticed the scars.... The cuts are not healing   
properly."  
  
"Because you keep picking at them.... How are they expected  
to heal if you do that?" Minako said as she jumped over the lounge  
suite, leaping onto a coffee table. Makoto swallowed and closed her  
eyes.  
  
"Why do you guys keep following me around? Usagi is starting  
to get worried."  
  
"And with good reason." Ami pulled herself from out of the   
television and looked around the room. "You know what will happen   
if you tell Usagi about us."  
  
"You know what she wants from you... What she REALLY wants  
from you." Rei coiled down from the lightbulb, slithering to the   
floor in serpentine fashion. Makoto opened her eyes and stood,   
clenching her fists.  
  
"It's a LIE! Usagi DOESN'T want that from me.... From ANY of  
us...."  
  
"Are you so sure?" Rei giggled as her forked tongue tasted   
the air. She looked around the room, then watched Minako as the  
blond-haired girl performed a little dance on the coffee table.  
  
"I will not lose myself.... I am Kino Makoto.... A REAL  
person.... A REAL individual...." Makoto put a hand to her face.  
"I exist as an individual entity.... I shall not be subsumed....  
mutilated, by Serenity's plan."  
  
"Oh, but you MUST." Ami rubbed her hands together as she sat  
on her haunches in front of the tv. "Only then shall you truly   
become Sailorjupiter.... Only then shall you be freed of the   
weakness that exists in your mind."  
  
"Only then shall you be freed of the screams." Minako tapped  
her feet on the coffee table, and gestured to Makoto with a little  
flourish. "Only then shall you be free of the screams."  
  
"Maybe she doesn't want to." Rei hissed. "Maybe she WANTS to  
endure the pain, the torment, forever."  
  
"Shutup!" Makoto barked. "You're deliberately trying to   
confuse me, again. Usagi shall do no such thing, as you say, I am  
already Sailorjupiter.... I can take anything that life throws at  
me."  
  
"Can you take this?" Ami opened her mouth, and the screams of  
Makoto's parents filled the room. Makoto slammed her hands over her  
ears, repeatedly, jumping on the spot.  
  
"Stop it! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!" She   
leapt, high into the air, and came down heavily on her left foot,   
which buckled underneath her. With a cry, she fell to the floor,   
landing on her side.  
  
The screaming sound stopped, and all three figures laughed at  
the fallen Makoto.  
  
"Look at her, look at her." Minako jumped down from the   
table, pointing at Makoto's figure.  
  
"Oh, how the mighty Sailorjupiter has fallen." Rei sat up on  
her elongated, serpentine tail.  
  
"The big, tall guardian of our Princess. The weakest link in  
the chain." Ami rolled her fingers, her elongated claws clacking   
against each other, her smile displaying a full set of sharpened,   
bestial teeth.  
  
"The bane of our lives.... Weak of spirit, weak of body and  
weak of mind." Minako skipped over to Makoto and kneeled beside   
her. "What's wrong, little girl? Why are you so quiet?"  
  
Makoto didn't answer. The figure of Minako turned to the   
others and shrugged.  
  
"I guess she doesn't want to talk to us any more." Rei   
flicked her nose with her tongue. "Perhaps we should leave her   
alone."  
  
"No.... Don't go...." Makoto groaned from the floor.  
  
"She speaks!" Minako cackled. "What took you so long?"  
  
"Don't go.... I don't want to be alone.... Not now...."  
  
"You hear that?" Ami clawed at the carpet. "She doesn't want  
to be alone."  
  
"And here I was, thinking you LIKED the idea of being alone.   
Oh well, too bad, never mind." Minako turned from Makoto and   
crawled over to the other two. "We're leaving anyway.... You may   
or may not hear from us, again. It depends on what you intend to do  
in the next few minutes." And with that, all three vanished into   
thin air.  
  
  
Makoto lay on the floor for some time, realising that her   
left ankle was swelling. But she didn't care. She was beyond pain,  
now.... With a smile on her face, she pondered Minako's final   
words, and came to the conclusion that it was the pinnacle of   
sickness to take in the wisdom of phantoms.  
  
"Mama...." She said softly. "Papa... Why did you leave me   
like this?"  
  
  
CAUTION S4  
Supply without prescription illegal  
Keep out of reach of children  
ANAFRANIL 25  
Clomipramine Hydrochloride  
Tablets 25mg  
50 coated tablets  
  
Too wrong. Too right.  
  
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_________  
/ @ \ DDFA (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page)  
/ / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@internode.on.net  
/\  
\/ \/  
\___________/  
/_/ \_\ PU  
  
Version 1.0 - Thursday, 24th September 1998 


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